New year, new post.

Listening to some chill music, drinking a beer and reflecting upon the last year. That's what this post is all about.

What was I doing last new years... I was playing Perfect Dark Zero, and had a Wee Heavy to celebrate the new year. What did I do this year? I was playing Splinter Cell: Double Agent and had a Hobgoblin ale to celebrate the new year. You'd think, "Man, not much has changed..." but you'd be wrong.

Last year I was living in Markham, working at IBM. This year I'm living in Burnaby B.C. and working at a completely different job. Just picking up and moving was a hell of an adventure in so many ways. It's liberating to just stop everything, and change tracks. It makes you feel like maybe you really are in control of your life. When things get hectic at work, at home and with friends, you can often feel like you don't have that control. For a time, back where I was living I often felt out of control. Working night shifts can fuck you up in so many ways and every day is a challenge to your sanity.

I left my old job June 26th. Before then, the longest I was without a job was approximately 3 days. It wasnt' until October until I found a job out here. I had anticipated that there would be some down time... I didn't actually move out here until August. I spent all of July at my mom's house taking a bit of a vacation and preparing for the move. I took Shelby and lots of walks at the beach and it was nice to spend a month back at home.

I moved out here on August 11th (I think, I'll double check that one). I was living in my apartment with only an air mattress with a slow leak, a folding chair I picked up from Walmart and my PSP. It took well over a month before I saw my stuff. No furniture, no tv, no internet, no nothing. I couldn't navigate my way through the city because I had no idea where I was going. All I could do is take my dog for walks and try to figure out what was around me in my immediate area.

People tried to tell me that it's a slower pace of life out here... man, were they ever right about that one. EVERYTHING moves at a snails pace... including businesses that are supposedly hiring! The first place I dropped a resume off was the first place to call back... almost two months later. It was a part time job at Chapters and at the time it was the only offer, so I took it. I'm glad I did even though it was a part time job. I met a ton of great people and I'm grateful for my time spent there. Very few jobs give you that kind of satisfaction and I've been lucky enough to have been able to work a couple of them. It was enough to start paying the bills again but that was about all it was good for. If I had any intentions of having a social life of some sort, I needed a bit more money. Luckily enough I got another offer for a full time job. I took that and continued to work at Chapters throughout the Christmas season. I worked 7 days a week for a few weeks but again, it paid the bills. I was starting to actually see a surplus of money for the first time since leaving Markham.

During all this, I managed to sell my car. I'll miss my nice big ol' Malibu but I won't miss the expense. It will be awhile until I own a car again. I hope to get a motorcycle before a car though. If I have my way, it'll be a Triumph Daytona but I'll probably have to get something a bit cheaper like a Suzuki SV650S.

I've met a ton of new people and even made a few new friends. I just found out that a friend from Markham moved out this way in November too. My social life, as lame as it is, is a lot better than what it was back in Markham when I was working the night shifts. Hopefully I'll meet quite a few more and as time goes on, I'll be able to know my way around here a bit better.

As a bit of a twist, the people that I knew before I moved out here are the ones that I rarely see. I started off the year with a girlfriend in Vancouver and ended off living in Vancouver without a girlfriend. We all got together for a pre-Christmas dinner, which was nice. Hopefully this year we'll be able to get together a little more often. Ah yes... girlfriends... I think some of the people I work with are hell bent on setting me up with someone. Hopefully I'll be able to dodge that bullet.

Last year my plan for 2006 was change. I think I accomplished that. This year my plan for 2007 is to re-establish a bit of stability in my life. Especially regarding financial and emotional matters. I plan to go snowboarding a few times before the season ends... I plan on getting a mountain bike and hitting some of the north shore trails. A beautiful girl has promised to take me to Vancouver Island this year too... Hopefully Stanley Park will be fixed for the summer as I would like to take a ride around the seawall. I also plan to start doing some courses in the near future. In the far off distant dream category I hope the Leafs win the Stanley Cup so all these damn Canucks fans will shut the hell up too. I know... I dream big. As long as the Sens lose, I'll be fine.

I'm starting to believe that I can actually accomplish all the things I set out to do... they just take giant leaps of faith, something I'm not exactly known for having. This year, the prime goal is to better myself. In whatever way, I am not sure but as long as I move forward I'll be doing well.

Cheers.

Drew

Holy Hell! An update!

Shocking, I know...

So what's going on? I have a job now... things are starting to feel somewhat normal. Once I get finances straightened out I'll be a little more comfortable with everything. Shelby is good, and tearing up the yard. We have a new neighbour, and she has a dog too... they chase each other but Shelby seems to be a bit of a bully.

The weather out here isn't that rainy, for all the dire predictions I received from friends and family. I'm still told that it's coming... I haven't done too much yet, just with money being tight, and job hunting taking up most of my time. I'm going to start going out to see the sights soon. I plan on a couple trips to Stanley Park at the very least.

I've been in a real music mood lately. I have been playing my guitar a lot more than I have been in the past and I've been listening to a ton of new music. This is how large CD collections get built up. My minidisk player is starting to crap out on me though, so I'm putting out the gift idea of an iPod to family. I'm not 100% on the iPod train, just because the EQ is non programmable. That and the connections are pretty crappy. I'm not even going to mention the garbage headphones they pack in.

Anyways...I'm hoping to be able to see Primus in November. From the looks of it, Vancouver doesn't get that many really good acts too often.

Go Leafs Go!

Stranger in a Strange Land

Well, it's official, I'm now living in Burnaby. Technically, I've been here almost a month but I only just received my belongings a couple days ago.

Out of all my things I missed my bed the most. After that, my computer. Sleeping on a leaky air mattress for over 3 weeks takes a toll on your physical and mental health. I am grateful to have had that at least (thanks Adam). I do most of my communicating with friends over the computer, and I tend to look an awful lot of things up on it as well. Not having it for this long made me feel very disconnected from the rest of the world. You would think, "well they managed to find everything out in the old days without a fancy computer". Sure, but then every business didn't cater to the internet users posting all their info on a website, now, did they?

I feel somewhat human again, having stuff again. It's the end of day 2 of unpacking and I feel that the apartment looks almost like... an apartment. My dog is a lot more relaxed now as well, must be the familiar scents. She didn't like the flight out here too much, she managed to delay the flight by 25 minutes because she was freaking out trying to chew her way out of her cage. I still feel awful for putting her though that.

I miss my friends... I miss my guinea pigs... I definately miss my car. This west coast hippy shit is only going to last so long... First up though is find a job that pays bills and affords a few snowboarding trips this winter. After that, a mountain bike. Then... a motorcycle!

The people out here are nice... That said, I'm pretty sure they don't do much work out here. My things were delayed by a few days, a couch I've ordered that was supposed to be delivered last week still hasn't gotten here yet. It's currently residing in the Twilight Zone, I'm certain it will be a zombie couch by the time it gets here. It's taken over two weeks to try and get a 2nd interview with someone... Maybe the rumours are true and the drugs out here are just that good... I don't know. I don't intend to find out either... f'ing hippies.

Anyways, I'm safe... Shelby is well... and pretty soon my place will actually feel like a home. I hope.

I have a guilty pleasure...

..and sadly enough it's watching a tv show. I'm hooked on watching Rockstar: Supernova. I know... lame, right? Yes and no... I'll admit it, the musicians involved (Gilby Clarke, Jason Newstead and Tommy Lee) aren't exactly the most talented musicians in the world but that's not the draw. It's the contestants that lure me in.

The show makes me realize just why I love playing music, and more importantly, playing on stage in front of people. I miss it, a lot. There really isn't anything like playing in front of a bunch of people, whether it be ten of your friends or 2000 people. To be honest, I get a case of the nerves in front of ten friends and not in front of a ton of people... Anyways, the experience is like no other.

The first time I played live, was in front of about twenty people. It was in an old scout hall... WAY too much natural reverb... shitty PA... you name it. I was in a band with 3 other guys... they decided to kick me out JUST before the talent contest... so I said fuck them and played anyways. I was the main songwriter in the band anyways... so I had material. Well... I played. Just me... and the guitar. If that doesn't break you into playing live, nothing will, let me tell you. Anyways, it worked out well, and they apologized eventually. I think the most memorable experience playing live was in high school. I had moved out of my moms house to go to school in a larger town. I didn't really know anyone and I was (as usual) the strange kid. Of course, a talent contest was going to be held and I kept debating it over and over in my head whether or not to do it... Luck would have it, I meet a woman on the bus back to my moms house. This woman worked in the music biz, for Capitol records back in the sixties and seventies. And...she used to bang the drummer for the Stones (not exactly an exclusive club, and I'm not sure WHY I needed to know this... but...) She gave me some good advice and I said to Hell with it, and signed up. I had a routine with the guitar, where at the end of the third song I'd set my delay pedal to infinite repeat and let the noise build up and up until the speakers were about to blow...then I'd cut the effect dry and have nothing but silence. The split second between the cacophony of noise the crowd was dead silent. It was a silence like no other... I think the smile on my face said it all. I got my picture in the paper for that performance. I am still pretty damn proud of that one.

Now, "real life" has crept up on me and my guitars sit somewhat neglected... I haven't been in a band for a year or so and my "skillz" are a bit rusty. I'm hoping with me going back to school I can hook up with some other musicians and get back into jamming at least. Play a few covers, write a few originals... playing live again would be amazing. I'm always writing stuff... I'd love to get some of them recorded before I get too old and forget shit.

Anyways, back to Rockstar... the contestants remind me of that desire to succeed in the music industry. I don't pretend to think I can make it big time any more, but I really want to play somewhere again. That, and the chick Dana stares straight into me... she's got some great eyes on her... yummeh!

Yeah I know... I'm a pig. Baby steps... baby steps.

No beer and no sleep...

Make Homer something something...

This, right now, at this very moment, is my second last night shift. On Tuesday, it will be my last day of work. You'd think that the thought of voluntarily unemploying yourself would be scary...but it isn't. It's quite liberating. I'm quite happy about the whole leaving work thing... it means I can go back to normal again. Night shifts, if you've never worked one, is hell. And when you're nearing 9 months straight of it, it's worse. This is the second time I've been on nights and I can say now, never again. I don't mind pulling ONE shift here and there, but not this. I've battled insomnia on and off for the last few months and it struck again yesterday. I've probaby gotten about 2 hours sleep in total for the last two days. Needless to say, it can leave in a pissy mood, one which I'm knee deep in now.

I've been accused of being a "negative" person at times, and I guess if one were to only look at the surface I could see where they get that. Of course if you were to lend any kind of understanding to the situation and delve somewhat further you'd see differently, as some have. I can be critical at times but that also stems from me just liking to debate things. It's a very easy way to learn about people and things when you debate. I don't so much intend to prove a point as to simply get a lot of information from the other person.

At 29, I feel very few people "know" me. I also feel that I "know" very few people in return. I wonder why people need to throw up smoke screens about who they are sometimes, and at other times I understand completely. Too many people are out there that just want to cause harm and I've found quite a few of them.

The past year and a half has been an eye opening experience, to say the least. I've gone from a very low point in my life and worked my way out of it. I think I did well with that. I came out of a long relationship that really didn't end well at all. And for months afterwards, it only got worse. Secrets have a way of sneaking out and letting themselves me known... and it's all you can do to somehow weather the storm they bring with them. I'm not a very secretive person...which, I guess, is part of my downfall. I'm thinking I might need to be a bit more secretive at times...maybe people don't need to know what I think about things. Through those dark times I found some really good ones. In fact, I could probably say some of the best times I've ever known so far. I opened myself up to new things and it worked out quite well I think. I broke out of my shell, so to speak. And then, as things go when you're quite happy, things change for the worse. No matter what you do, say or think, you can't prepare yourself for it. People all of a sudden turn out to be not who you think they are and you're left with some disappointment. Hind sight says it's all a learning experience though, and that's not all bad.

Lately though some things have made me a bit more...content. An apology, a true showing of friendship, and a continuing desire to move forward. This move of mine is proving to be a beast in many ways. Some things have just slipped into place with ease while others have required far too much attention.

Which, brings me back to the hours I keep. The mental fatigue associated with working night shifts is something you don't understand until you experience it. Studies have shown that someone driving home after a night shift is almost as bad as driving home drunk... add to that other stress and you can kind of get a feel for it. Working nights, I've been unable to put as much effort as I'd like to into the details of this move. So now, it's time to play a little catch up. I've got a whirlwind schedule for the next week or so, capping off with my moms birthday and a Canada BBQ/send off from my family. After that it's off to try and find a place for me and Shelby. Luckily, the Guinea pigs have a new home and that's a HUGE weight off my shoulders. I'm just hoping I can get a few good nights sleeps in there... and a few days on the beach I grew up on.

I miss the water... I miss the days I spent there, in the rain, contemplating life and where I was going. I think I'm going to sit down one day, in the rock garden I always sat in, and just think. Maybe I can finally sort some things out in my head. I wonder if the ocean will be as calming as the lake is...

Ha ha! I'm an idiot!

So here I am wondering why nobody is commenting on my blog when I find out that I f'd up the settings. I switched to moderate comments and didn't finish the job. Well, problem fixed, comments are active again but with werd varification to keep out random douchebags (No Dave, not you...)

So, POST AWAY!

*waits for throngs of posters...*

...

*dies*

What would you do with millions of dollars?

I know exactly what I'd do. I'd spend the rest of my life in school, studying music. Learning every thing about it so that I can someday get what's in my head, out. Sure I'd get a house, nothing fancy, and a nice car but to be able to not worry about money and study the art of music and learn many, many instruments would be a great ambition of mine.

I don't feel like I'm creatively blocked, more like creatively crippled. I need to sit down in front of a grand piano in a dark room. Light a few candles and let the demons swirl in the pale light cast by them. Maybe then I could start to unburden myself. Maybe then I could start to play the music I hear in my head.

It starts of very slow and sombre... I don't know where it goes from there.